I've turned over a new leaf... yup I've thought about being miserable for a little while.. and well even my best efforts to be miserable have failed greatly.. I"m just toooo fukd up I spose lol.... anywhere I go I make the best of the situation and usually it's worked to my advantage... I can't even be hateful to a person I dont really care for... well I wouldn't go that far because if I dont like someone .. I just dont like them lol but even then I am amazingly nice until crossed... which well so far hasn't happened... prob because of my personality most likely... but not many people have ever crossed me... but lately I"m starting to feel like some people are taking advantage of my generocity and niceness... and well quite frankly this must stop... though there is nearly nothing I wouldn't do for a friend or family member.... I've noticed a few things about the behaviour of people around me lately is becoming a bit strange... now I"m sure that some people will get the wrong idea about this post but I dun really care at the moment.. it's not directed at anyone because that's how I am.. if I have a problem with something or someone they know about it or find out very quickly because I"m direct and to the point... I've been thinking lately about my current situation and recalling on the past 3 years of my life and wondering why I"m back in this hole that I struggled to get out of... and Iwas out of it for a while but then ... like a lot of people.. came back... well now the difference is ... I find I have a decent job and I"m actually starting to like it somewhat... and am saving up some bucks for the first time in my life.... the only thing I"m missing is a place of my own that I can do what I like when I like and not have to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing... that's what I had 2 years ago in england... sorta lol.... though I still had to answer to a woman.. I did have the option of grabbing a beer if I so desired .. or turn the music on.. or dance around in my underwear.. not that I really do that thing ... because it's too fukn cold.. but I"d like to be able to if I so desired... sooo I"ve made up my mind.. I"m going to get a place of my own soon... and become broke like the rest of my friends.... but before I can do this I'll need two things.... 1.) need to get my license.... and need to have a savings built up for my trip in the summer.... 2.) I've decided to go accross canada on a road trip... I miss those...

when I was younger the family used to drive from ontario to nova scotia to visit mom's side of the family... see the sites and to get away... I want to relive that this summer.. but most of all I want to visit dad's side of the family again... I was very close to a few of them growing up... I've grown accustomed to having them around.. most of them anyway.. and well I haven't seen most of them in so long it's just sad... but I think it may have something to do with seeing my dad again.. perhaps I"m just growing up and starting to realize I've not reached fully what I had hoped to accomplish when I was younger.. not that I"m complaining I have a lot more than I thought I would have... and damned sure more than a few people would have given me credit for back then.... espeshuly that shitty teacher that said I'd never amount to a thing... I"ve accomplished a great deal though... and I know I have.... I've travelled the world... made a lot of friends through my travells and basicly have everything I actually need... all provided by myself from my hard work.... though I have had lots of help along the way ...

I'd like to take the time to mention I"m thankful for what I have done and those that have helped me on the way... and I am greatful for the times I will have in the future and would like to wish everyone the best in the coming new year... but most importantly enjoy the holidays.. even if you have to work.... and now that the serious stuff is over.. who's gonna sign up for the massive road trip I'll be taking in the summer?? you'll meet lots of scary relatives of mine but I assure you it will be a very fun trip.. and well even though I"ll be driving.. I really do know the way there and back... just forget the story about my trip to halifax.. I was very very very tired that night and day ... had only 1 hour sleep remember lol.....