I've been cursed at times for being a thinker... this has it's burdens because I continuously am restless wondering what would happen if or how this decision would affect me.... at times it could also be a blessing .. for thinking about something before doing can more often then not bring about a better life than what could be if you just jump into a situation you may or may not be ready for....

this brings about a topic that I've been thinking about lately... that I've had quite a few life altering events happen to me that came down to a decision or some sort of occurance that sometimes cannot be explained other than perhaps (depending on ones point of view) it was meant to be... I know of 3 such events in my life so far ... these events I probably wouldn't change with the exception of maybe the last one but for different reasons that I am still trying to work out...

all three of these life altering events were the cause of someone else or some sort of event that caused things to go a different way then was expected... the first of these such events was my parents decision to move to Nova Scotia... until this point I was a loner nerd.. didn't have many friends and was generally an outcast in pretty much everything except my family... if I had stayed in Ontario I probably would have been a miserable person and possibly never achieve anything other than possibly being alone forever....

the second event that changed my life forever I didn't realize it at the time but it was a girl I was set for a date with but plans got ruined and I will never forget the night.. I'm thankfull for the plans being ruined for many reasons.. for if they hadn't been I never would have become such great friends with her (where I could share anything and everything with) and I never would have been given the oportunity to visit England and see amazing things and enlighten (or be enlightened by) a Womans life that I will never forget.... I miss you wherever you are.. I hope you are well

the third event is nearly about to climax.. I know it is going to be life altering because I can already feel myself changing... I've come to terms with many aspects of this event but it still lingers and comes back to mind... it causes me to lay awake wondering.. my only release is to write about it... most of which I delete the next day because I do not wish to share it with anyone... I fear that my plans will be ruined if the truth were revealed... but I know now that this will not happen as I am destined for great things... I know this because I have a new drive for life that I did not have before... I had it drained from me for far too long and now that I'm free I will not let anything bring me down ever again....

it's amazing what some things will do to people.... decisions affect our very existance and depending on what you choose your life actually depends on it... not every decision is going to give you the results you are looking for but it is what makes your life possible... with this in mind dont second guess yourself.. usually (not all the time) your instincts are correct... I've been on both sides of this and know all too well that if you worry about the decision your to make it could end up being the missed oportunity of your life.... for the most part this information may not be of usefull to anyone but I've successfully cleared my head and am now able to sleep... at least for another night... good luck with your decisions... another life turn will be ahead of you shortly