wow... it's been a while.... well I guess not but it feels like a long time to me.... creativity has been put asside while I work out some things in my life.... and of course I just got through an XboX weekend... for 3 straight days I sat on my ass and played Xbox.... life is so productive.... but at least money was saved in doing so... it's close to trip time and anxiousness is beginning to play a factor... I dont know what's going to happen next but I hope that thing go smoother than the last few weeks.... I didn't realize how much things and people were dependant on me and I spose I shall have to correct some things... the good news is my boss at work announced that they will bend over backwards to help me out in order to keep me around..... it's nice to know that the fuckers appretiate what I do here.... even if they keep coming over and asking me to keep it down..... speaking of which.... I slammed my desk so hard today that every single person in the room stopped what they were doing (even people on calls) to look my way... I spose they figured that someone died or something.... unfortunately my customer wasn't the dead person.... I've been agitated over the last little while at work but this was beyond.... I really need this break now ... more than ever.... I hate how angry I've become and I dont know how to fix this.... actually I do but the fix is impossible.... and in some ways I only have myself to blame.... it's difficult to change habit but I've learned it can be done if you want it to... the difficult part is to keep up the thing you've replaced the habit with.... so anyone that's trying to quit smoking...... yeah I know what it's like... but it can be done... you just have to want to make the change

over the weekend I've realized I'm an enlightened person and that I do understand the way things work.... I dont understand some people or the reasons they make some choices... but I am starting to believe that things happen for a reason... I just hope everyone involved learns the lesson and doesn't sweep everything under the rug to try to move on.... living life just because you feel you can't go back or admit your wrong is just not right.... it's part of a lesson everyone needs to learn at one point in their life... thankfully I've gotten through mine... and can go forward knowing that I've survived