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Random ramblings of a madman that will "possibly" make yew laff...

Saturday, March 29, 2008

I have become a travelling maniac. It seems that I am moving around a lot more frequently as I get older. Even more so, I am enjoying it more. Last year I found myself in a hole that I crawled out of. I am looking forward to this year being my rebuilding year. To start this off I have packed up my car with all of my possessions and moved back to Alberta to resume my new line of work. The trip was suprisingly eventful. Costly, but eventful.

My first day finds me driving through the Cape on the St Peters highway at breakneck speeds. The one thing that didn't change was the Eagle that flew over my car to send me on my way. I'm beginning to think that there could be such a thing as luck or omens because this happened the last time I made this journey. It was beautiful outside as well the weather couldn't have been better. I made excellent time and found myself in New Brunswick before long. It was sunny outside and there wasn't much traffic. This changed as I entered Quebec.

I saw the storm cloud as I neared the Quebec boarder. It was on the other side of the river. It was dark and menacing. I felt it taunting me with an evil smile, wanting to bite into my car and spit pieces out over the highway. I dropped the hammer to try to escape it's snarling bite. This didn't help. It started to snow. My wonderfully fantastic car had some worn summer tires, which made driving more difficult. I found myself behind a slow moving car that was dragging a trailer of snowmobiles behind it. The speed limit is 110kmh but because of the snow the car is doing 80kmh. I begin to become impatient. I've passed before without difficulties in this weather but something wasn't quite right this time.

I drifted out into the passing lane and was imediately held back by some unseen force. It felt like I was running away but someone was holding my belt from behind laughing at me as my feet did nothing to progress my escape. The transport truck behind me crept closer from the safety of the lane I had just left. It was too late to go back now so I attempted to go faster to pass the stupid trailer car. If only I could have been driving one of the snowmobiles instead. The storm cloud laughed at me from behind as I lost control of my fantasticly awesome car. I was headed for the ditch. Luckily I didn't panic as I tried to steer back into the lane but the summer tires wouldn't co-operate. The car kept its course into the ditch.

Something stopped the car from going into the ditch. A 4 foot snowbank reached out for the car like a giant hand. As the car slammed into the guardrail like snowbank it lurched the backend into the air. Pieces of clothing flew through the car landing in the front seat from the back. It took a moment for what had just happend to register. Cars and trucks whizzed by as mine just sat in the snowbank going nowhere. Amazingly the car was still running. My expert driving skills had prevented a supremely terrifying experience from occuring. I could have been on the news as the cause of a 10 car pileup. Instead I was a single car in a snowbank cursing at my impatience and lack of winter tires. Then an amazing thing happened. A minivan pulled in front of me. As I rolled down the window to get out of my car (dukes of hazzard style) A man jumped out of the mini van and started rambling on in French. I sat on my door half hanging out of the window. I hadn't actually spoken since what seemed an eternity. The man rambling in french had me muster only one word: Shit!! The man continued in his French rambling and I suggested he try English. The man said are you ok? I answered yes I'm fine and I looked at my situation.

I jumped onto the snowbank and walked around the car. Amazingly there appeared to be no damage. The car was resting against the snowbank so I couldn't open the drivers side door but other than that it was clear. I mentioned to the French man that if I had a puch I could probably get out. He ran back to his van and produced a shovel and began digging me out. I was impressed all of a sudden by the generosity of this stranger. I couldn't help feeling releived that I was alive to witness this act of kindness. He told me to get back in the car and try to move it as he pushed. After a few minutes and some tire roasting I was out and able to get back on my way. I hopped out of the car to thank the man. As I began to reach for my wallet to hand him something for his troubles (after all he did all the work) He just shook it off and wouldn't hear any of it. I profusely thanked him and he reached out his hand in friendship. I shook his hand and in parting he remarked 'tit was noting, we ar qubekers' (my best french accent)

I got back on the highway and drove till I found a turnoff. Ahead of me was a snowplow. I saw lights in the distance and hoped it was a garage that I could pull over for the night. The snowplow turned in the opposite direction as I continued towards the light. The lights turned out to be nothing more than a lot of some sort. I really dont recall what it was as I just wanted to get off the road and get some real tires so I wouldn't have this misshap ever again. I pulled into the driveway to turn around. Making a U-turn I tried to stop and back into a spot I could park. I could not back up. Fearing that I was stuck in the middle of butfuk nowhere I tried to get back in the road. Like the car knew better it let me get back on the road. The snowplow had turned around by this point and was heading back onto the highway. I almost reluctantly followed it at 50kmh. Not knowing where I was I began to get impatient again. I ventured into the passing lane to pass the plow thinking if I got stuck the plow would be able to help me out. I found out quickly that the plow was plowing the side of the highway not the actual road. Some lunatic passed me passing the plow. (I spose I was the lunatic passing the car/trailer earlier) I got back into the grooves and was back to 80kmh leading a pack of vehicles into the next town. Freakishly transport trucks that had much better tires flew by us slow cars spraying us with slush making it impossible to see for a few seconds as the whipers tried in desparation to remove the crap from the windshield.

The thankful sign ahead welcomed me to a town called Laval. Never have I been so greatful to pull into a Quebec city. I got off the highway and slowly proceeded into town pulling over to the very first hotel/motel I came to. The place looked lavish and expensive but I didn't care. I would have pulled over to anything at this point. I made the turn into the driveway but the car didn't respond. It may have been afraid of the price. The tires locked up and I slid into the curb (and possibly a small tree) I backed the car up and managed to finally get into the parking lot of the hotel. I walked into the lavish looking place and must have looked like a vagabond but the highly trained (and very attractive) night lady welcomed me. I requested a room and after small talk I dragged my semi exhausted carcass to my room where I passed out with news of a tire shop next door.

The next morning I left the very nice hotel and went to the car. I started it up and began cleaning the foot of snow from it. After I was able to see outside of the car I tried to back out of the parking spot. The car slid sideways nearly into the truck beside me. I got out and began to move snow around with my feet. Finally I was able to get my car safely out of the parking lot and onto the road that thankfully did not have any snow on it at all. I drove through the town of Laval looking for Canadian tire with the directions of the hotel's night lady. I spoke with the man at Canadian tire (he had to call some young kid from the other side of the store to interpret for us as his English wasn't so good and my French was worse) After our conversation the man said I he couldn't put on two tires in the front because it wasn't safe to leave two summer tires on the back. The total of the bill was going to be $500 plus taxes. I refrained from cursing the man out and asked if there was somewhere else I could go in town. I had passed a Goodyear tire shop that looked closed on my way to Canadian tire so I went back there.

The guys at the shop were super friendly. The gentleman I spoke with asked where I was going and we engaged in small talk. He suggested I could just change the front tires to match the tires he was taking off but I didn't want to chance it in case of another freak snowstorm. Our conversation mentioned the roads I was taking and we came to a mutual agreement that he would put on winter tires for the front for me just in case. (northern ontario is bad for snow usually) I asked him where a good place to eat would be and he suggested I try the place accross the street. 'Good food and excellent girls.' He was right. I walked into the restaurant and was greeted by the hostess. She seated me by the window and said the waitress would be along shortly. I noticed two of the waitresses speaking together. They were both attractive but one was slightly nicer looking than the other. The nicer looking one looked like she was trying to get the other one to take my table. (especially since later she was waiting on the two tables behind me) The other lady came to my table and was very nice. We had a somewhat akward conversation as her English wasn't as good as mine and likewise with my French. She got my order and brought it out and all that. After I ate I gave her a very large tip (even though she deserved it) in the hopes that if the other lady actually had pawned off the table to her that she would feel like an idiot for not waiting on me.

With my new tires on the car I started on my delayed journey again. The weather had returned to fantastic. The maniacle storm cloud had finished with me. I travelled along till I reached Montreal. Montreal is usually my dark horse of the journey. I always end up taking a wrong turn somewhere. This journey would be no different. Everything was going great till I got confused with a split in the highway. I was looking for the number 15 highway going north but for some stupid reason I was following the 25 north. It worked out in the end but I lost another hour of travel time. Along the way I stopped in a small diner to take a dump. (I'm sorry. I meant use the facilities) I ended up staying for dinner. The lunch lady was super friendly and my attempts to find out where I was with my map sitting in front of me she asked the other patrons for directions. She had one of the truckers draw me a map (even though I already knew where I was and where I was going just by her telling me the name of the town I was in.) I'll keep the map as a reminder of where I had that delicious meal.

I drove all day and finally reached my halfway point. Cochrane Ontario. I've tried a number of different motels in this town. Most are over priced, especially since I only stay for a couple hours at best. Until this trip I preffer the roach motel for 50 bux even though they dont have internet. I decided to try the place accross the street that the guy running the roach motel recommended last time. I walked into the office at something close to 2am and the lady informed me that she didn't have any rooms left (but it was still the second cheapest in town) My dejected look made her take a second look at her books. She discovered a last room was available afterall. I parked the car and crashed on the bed. I made myself some peanut butter sandwiches (my mom packed me some things. My mom is the greatest) and quickly checked my email. After turning on the T.V. I woke up in the morning. Between pressing power on the remote and putting the remote beside me I passed out.

I woke up in the morning took a shower and began packing the car again. Upon reaching the car I couldn't find my keys. There were a couple of men coming out of their room starting up their snowmobiles. I got in the car to discover that the keys were still in the ignition. (a nasty habit I must break very soon) Who says you can't trust people anymore. I warmed up the car and got on my way again. I decided to fill up the car even though it still had a half tank of gas. I made this decision after passing the last gas station in town. I pulled into a parking lot and began to turn around. The back end of the car slid around on the icy parking lot causing me to do a couple of really fun donuts with the car. I guess this is what the French Canadian Tire guy was reffering to.

After filling up the car I got underway. Not 10 minutes out of town I noticed a police car coming towards me. Sadly I looked down to find I was doing 130kmh in a posted 90kmh zone. I slowed down in the hopes that he wasn't looking for speeders. As I passed the cop doing 90kmh the lights flared up. Busted!! The Officer came up to the car and took my info and informed me that I was doing 115kmh. My first ticket ever was in the process. I noticed myself being extra polite for some reason. I wonder how many other people are extra polite to the members of the police force. Probably because we dont want unnessessary tickets for stupidity. The officer gave me my stupid ticket and informed me to keep my speed down because of moose. I refrained from asking him if he had ever seen a moose in the daytime. In my slightly over 30 years of life I have seen one moose outside of captivity. Course if I had asked the man, my luck would have a moose walk out at that very moment. After this unfortunate event I found that there was a cop on the outskirts of every damned town from that point forward till I got out of Ontario. Do you think they were looking for me? Sneaky bastards.

Nothing else of interest happend for the remainder of my trip except for one thing. After passing the Ontario border there is a rest area along the highway. I like to stop here to get a nap before driving through the praries. I was all set to pull over when the fragrance of Pepe Le Peu overcame the entire area. There was no way in hell I could sleep with that aroma. I decided to keep going till the next stop or gas station. This came and went with as luck would have it, more Pepe Le Peu pungent aroma.

All in all it was a great trip story wise but I hope I dont have as much adventure on future trips. At least while I'm driving anyway. I really am not looking forward to paying my first (and hopefully last) speeding ticket.

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